If I were to start a band, it would have to be called Hurricane Alpha. It would play tropical music—you know the ukuleles and hula skirt kind—really fast and really loud. All the small wooden instruments would be hooked up to huge amps and bucketfuls of wawa peddles. All of the hula dancers would look like they just jumped off a pirate ship and their dancing would be more aptly described as pillaging. Any place my band would play would be decimated, and in such a way that the insurance companies wouldn't pay for any of it.

I've already thought of a few songs "Water Damage, Wind Damage; You Got No House," "FEMA, Where's My Dog?," and my favorite "I'm Getting Your Town Next."

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