Have you ever been to the superhero store in Brooklyn? The Brooklyn Superhero Supply does really exist, and it sells superhero supplies alongside the latest McSweeney's publications. It is hands-down one of my favorate stores. Where else can you pick up a bottle of antimatter and the newly released MCSWEENEY'S ISSUE 16.
If you ever end up buying something at this store, you have to tell the clerk what you superpower is. A few months ago, I found myself buying a book on giraffes, I almost came out empty handed because I could not think of a decent superpower. I don't remember exactly what I came up with, but it was a pretty half-hearted. It's hard formulating yourself into a superhero at the drop of a dime.
Later, I came up with a power that I am happy with, for at least for as long as I live in Gotham city. I would have the power to control mass transit. Imagine, after a late night in hipsterville, you are ready to head home. You step down into the bowels of the Mass Transit Authority, perhaps with your prehensile tailed dame or your illusionist sidekick, summon your powers and SWAM!!! THUGGA THUGGA THUGGA! You are speedily heading to your bed.
Imaganine a Sunday morning, and you are battling your arch nemisis, Doctor Hangover. You are being chased through the rough and tumble streets of Brook Line — one of the more seedy of five boroughs of Gotham — as he is trying to stop you from getting to the only store that will prevent The Doc from taking over your mind, and then the city mdash; you are, of course, the hero of last resort when it comes to City Protection. You are headed to the famous Turgen Bagels on Turgen Street. Every trick you try pull on The Doc has failed, and he keeps getting closer. And closer. Then you see the gateway to your freedom, the Subway Station entrance. You rush down into the station, and summon your powers. KALTHLAK!!! THUMPA, THUMPA, THUMPA! You train is here. You board, and the doors close behind you, leaving Doctor Hangover shaking his fist over his head in anger as he wasn't fast enough to get in before the doors closed. You're off to the best coffee and bagels in the city having foiled Doctor Hangover another day.
Superheroes are on my mind because I just saw— along with the rest of America— Batman Begins last weekend. Add to this that I recently finished Kavalier and Clay, an amazing book that is in essence a book about making of comic books, and what comes out of this mixture is that a) the making of a superhero is innately fascinating and b) the only people who seem to have any skill at inventing superheroes are comic book people.
Why is it that movie-makers can't seem to come up with a good superhero on their own? Look, the movie making folk had great chance with ol' Darth Vader, but they sure as hell blew that one. With the notable exception of Pixar, I can't even think of a reasonable movie superhero that did not first come from a book. Spiderman, Fantastic Four, Superman, X-men and so on and so forth...
Come on now Hollywood, start thinking here. What you all need is a trip to the Superhero Supply Store. What super power would you want? Quit marveling and start creating your own heroes.